I went shopping today and bought myself some cancer!

Ok. So this is a rant. I will not use any names. Some people may know who I am talking about. If you do, good, you can join in on the laugh. If you don't, you can still laugh, just not directly at the expense of the unnamed person.

Smoking is viciously unattractive. It's a disgusting habit to maintain. If you happen to have a social cigarette now and then, I don't judge you quite as much. Just don't expect me to let you talk at me, breathe near me or kiss me for at least 12 hours. Hookah, while the habit does not seem as disgusting, is actually far worse for you. For some reason people refuse to believe that, but it's true. A one hour hookah session is the equal to smoking 100-200 cigarettes, depending on how deeply you inhale. Harvard did a health study, and here is the intro. If you are not a subscriber, you may not be able to view the full study. http://www.health.harvard.edu/press_releases/dangers-of-hookah-smoking

Anyway, I am allowing my train to derail. My main focus here is smoking. Having grown up in rural Ohio, where the neighbors considered my family first class because we had all our teeth, I view smoking as a red neck habit. Sure, some classy people have smoked in their day. A cigarette was never more appealing to me than the day I saw my idol Audrey Hepburn smoking, holding the long, slender cigarette holder in her delicate fingers. Of course back then no one knew the harmful affects of smoking. It was just viewed as the classy thing to do. However, we have the health studies, we have done the research. The fact is that smoking is one of the biggest killers to date. Which brings me to a certain girl I know. We will call her....what will we call her?Now kiddies, be nice. No, "whore" is not a name we can use here...no, we can't say "white trash" either...We will call her Lisa.

I want to write Lisa a letter, because her behavior has reached the point where I had to remove her from my facebook feed because I disapproved so much. I know, harsher things have been done in the world. But I'm 3,000 miles away, I haven't many more options. I'm going to be kind here, and leave out as many personal details as I can...but I can only hold back so much.

Dear Lisa,

I hope you're well, and that you are enjoying married life, however shotgunned the first ceremony was. You're dress was pretty. Though, I must say, you laced it far to tight in an effort of show off your little waste. It resulted in your boobs spilling too far over the top of your dress, like two over-filled muffin cups. Not classy, sweety. Again, the dress was beautiful though. The Wal*Mart sheet cake was a nice touch too. *ahem* Moving on....

You posted some new photos the other day. With Facebook's new news feed set up, I had no choice but to see them. (That is, until I removed you from me feed.) So, you smoke now? How delightfully tacky of you. Not only do you smoke, you smoke inside your home: a cigarette in one hand and a bud light in the other. Wow, you are just Audrey Hepburn in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" classy, aren't you? (That was sarcasm, I don't know if they taught you what that means in your GED classes. Basically, it means I'm suggesting you are the farthest thing from classy.) You smoke inside you own home while your 3 year old daughter sits across the room. For this, you are a terrible person. Not to mention the irresponsibility of having a child at 17, and don't give me any bull about how she wasn't planned. I watch you try time and time again to get knocked up and blame it on whoever was your flavor of the week. That pregnancy was no accident, sorry, you don't get to play that card. I sat and watched as you ruined the life of one boy, and tried to take another one down after that. Then I watched you whore around town while baby was at home with grandma. You are the epitome of irresponsible, white trash. I seldom judge people, but I judge you. I judge you harshly. You try and act like you are a wonderful person and a caring mother and friend. If you were any of these things you would give yourself and your child a fair shot at a good life. If you're going to smoke, smoke outside. And at least whiten your damn teeth before your next wedding. They looked orange next to your cancer coffin tanned skin and your white dress.

Sincerely,

Liz